The Elephant Man (1980) - 5/10
This is a film about Joseph Merrick and how he had ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one, because being such an ugly bastard, he never got laid. It's also the best bit of proof - outside of picking up girls and Closer magazine - that the uglier you are the worse people treat you. It's in black and white and does have that exceedingly old feel about it, so if old films ain't your thing, then you're probably better giving it a miss.