Funny film reviews written by you!

Minari (2020) - 6/10

There are two lessons that come from this film. One, don't buy a farm. Two, don't let your mother-in-law move in with you. In any normal year, this is never nominated for the Best Picture Oscar. I'm normally into these real life struggle films but this one wasn't the best. It's neither uplifting enough nor grim enough to stand out.

Posted by Mike on Friday, May 14, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Godfather Part II (1974) - 7/10

I've never thought this was as good as part one. In fact, I think it owes much of its reputation simple because it comes after part one and people were so keen to know how the story continued. For me, there's much too much of Vito's storyline. However, Al Pacino is absolutely fucking spectacular in this. Every scene he's in is just dripping with pure class and, with hindsight, you can see this is the film where he became the actor he was going to be for the next 3 decades.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, May 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Godfather (1972) - 8/10

Don't get me wrong, this is an all time great. I adored it as a kid but having watched it again recently, I could tell it was 50 years old. I mean, I can't see modern kids falling in love with it in the way that previous generations did. I have always struggled to relate to films set so much before my time and that is certainly the case here.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, May 11, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief (2015) - 6/10

So strange that these intelligent, reputation-obsessed celebrities are so keen not only to join Scientology, but to shout as loud about its benefits as they can. Like all religions, Scientology is a load of fucking bollocks. The difference between Scientology and every other religion is that the events it is based on happened so recently so we know for a fact its all bullshit, unlike, for example, the stories of Jesus, which we also know is bollocks, but, has slightly more authenticity due its durability over the millennia.

Posted by Mike on Monday, May 10, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Trophy (2017) - 6/10

This is about trophy hunters killing large game and it's a fucking tough watch. I can't decide what's worse; seeing the baby rhino running around in a panic and basically crying after its mother is killed, hearing the elephant breathing its last having been gunned down, or the cunt shooting the croc in the head with a rifle from point blank range whilst it's tied up and can't escape. And that's before I even mention the bit where the supposed good guys chop a rhino's horn off. The world has lost 60% of all wild animals in last 50 years and it's down to us. What a horrible race we humans are. Oh, and fuck Ted Roosevelt.

Posted by Mike on Friday, May 7, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Mule (2018) - 5/10

Clint Eastwood is fucking old. I mean, really, really old. It's actually a bit morbid watching a guy this old still trying to act. In this he plays a walking corpse who starts running drugs for a cartel after his flower business goes under. I've never been a fan of Eastwood - he's always been wooden as fuck - but now he's just decrepit. I actually feel sorry for him. He should be putting all his effort into not pissing himself and give the acting up.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, May 6, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Nomadland (2020) - 7/10

This is a very important film at a time when everyone is trying to keep up with the Jones'. Most people want a bigger house, a better car, just more stuff in general. We should all be grateful for what we already have and stop always desiring for more. We should be especially grateful that we have our health, we have our families and friends and that they, too, remain healthy. It's a fucking cruel world out there. I knew I'd enjoy it before even putting it on because real life grimness is totally my bag.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, May 5, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Promising Young Woman (2020) - 6/10

The moral of this story is that men are fucking pigs. I mean, I am one and even I agree. Absolute fucking pigs, mate. Anyway, this is a strange movie; and it is absolutely told with more than a hint of satire. I feel like whoever dreamed this up has been grossly mistreated by men in their past and, for that, I feel sorry for them. I wasn't very satisfied with the ending though, but I enjoyed the rest of it. I am surprised it was nominated for so many Oscars though, but it has been a slow year on that front I suppose, given all the delays down to Covid.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, May 4, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Where to Invade Next (2015) - 6/10

This is about how shit America is and how much they take the piss out of people there. Michael Moore travels to a handful of European countries and hears about how much paid holidays they get, how much paid maternity cover they get, how much more power their employees have, how much better their education system is, how much better they treat their criminals, how much better their democratic systems are, and, even, how much better they understand their own country's history. But, yeah, you know, AMERICAHHH, FUCK YEAH!

Posted by Mike on Friday, April 30, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Sound of Metal (2019) - 7/10

The ultimate message here is to look after your hearing because - fuck me - life without it seems pretty fucking grim. It's about losing your place in the world - losing your career, your girl and even yourself - and how you deal with it. It's about how quickly things can change and about accepting them when they do. I recognised the female actor immediately and spent ages trying to place her before realising she's in Me and Early and The Dying Girl, and she actually looks better in that, which is funny considering she plays the dying girl. Anyway, watch it, but, you know, keep the fucking volume down, yeah?

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, April 28, 2021 / imdb / amazon

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