Funny film reviews written by you!

El número nueve (2019) - 6/10

I loved Gabriel Batistuta when I was growing up. Fiorentina were my Italian team because of him. He was just such a good striker - a complete number nine - and he could proper thundertwat the ball, which is very impressive when you're nine. Purple is still my favourite colour to this day, and him and Fiorentina are probably the main reason why. Him in that purple kit with them flowing locks and the headband. What a fucking fella. Well this film is about him. About him back then and about him now, and about how fucked his ankles are nowadays due to kicking the ball dead hard for years. It's interesting enough but maybe could have been done differently, and by differently, I mean better.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 31, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Beau Is Afraid (2023) - 6/10

I watched this about three moths ago and I'm still trying to come to terms with it enough to write a review. I have to say, I have genuine concerns for mental wellbeing of the person who wrote this and I sincerely hope their relationship with mother has improved. It is a proper journey of a film. At the start I was laughing out loud but as it goes on, it gets real dark. I think I'm going to watch it again. It's one of those that stays with you.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 24, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Society of the Snow (2023) - 7/10

For starters, this is worth watching for the plane crash alone. And no, that's not a fucking spoiler, you arsehole. That's like saying talking about the ship sinking in Titanic is a spoiler. Anyway, the rest is very good, too. It portrays the mire they find themselves in so well that I actually felt cold watching it, whilst sat in my warm living room wrapped in a deluxe blanket. At one point, I felt so bad for them, I had to go and make myself a hot chocolate. When you know the story as well as most of us know this story, it's a tough job to make the film interesting enough, but it certainly does. I enjoyed it and the dubbing on Netflix was very good too.

Posted by Mike on Monday, January 22, 2024 / imdb / amazon

20 Feet From Stardom (2013) - 6/10

This is about backing singers and the importance they have played in some of the biggest songs in history, especially in the 70s. Many of these are incredibly talented and deserve as much fame and fortune as any artist you could name, but it just didn't work out that way for some. It's a reminder that sometimes talent and hard work alone just aren't enough.

Posted by Mike on Saturday, January 20, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Plane (2023) - 4/10

Your bog-standard Gerard Butler action film. I need not say any more.

Posted by Mike on Friday, January 19, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Evil Dead Rise (2023) - 3/10

I watched this expecting it to be shit and guess what? It was shit. You know the script; you've seen it all before. Woman becomes possessed and starts doing mad shit. And by mad shit I mean trying to kill all her loved ones. There is nothing unqiue about this. Shite.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, January 18, 2024 / imdb / amazon

The Walk (2015) - 5/10

Do yourself a favour and just watch Man On Wire instead. It's so much better than this.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 17, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Reminiscence (2021) - 3/10

I enjoy time travel films generally but I did not enjoy this one. It got too into it too soon. Where's the foreplay for fuck's sake? Don't just jam it in dry; lube me up a bit; make me wet. I turned it off after 30 minutes. It's only a shame time travel isn't real so I couldn't get that time back.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, January 16, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Saltburn (2023) - 5/10

It became very apparent very early on, to me at least, that the woman who wrote this probably loves writing raunchy Harry Potter fanfiction in which they are all fucking each other all the time. She's probably got particularly excited by one of her stories and thought, "You know what? There might be something in this!" So she's tweaked it ever so slightly to make it marginally more realistic, then decided to pitch it to Netflix, who have then swallowed her bullshit wholeheartedly. It's not a bad film, but I'm not gullible enough to enjoy it too much either. I'm sure plenty of virgin teenagers will, though, which, let's be honest, is Netflix's target audience. An incessant gripe of mine, too, is when a non-Scouse actor tries to do a Scouse accent, so that can fuck off an' all.

Posted by Mike on Friday, January 12, 2024 / imdb / amazon

Sly (2023) - 6/10

When you're a lad born in the 70s or 80s, you just love Stallone. He was a hero with many faces - unfortunately all with that dodgy smile - when we were growing up. Most actors would kill to land a role like Rocky or Rambo. Stallone did both, amongst others. Rocky 4 was my Go To film when I was off school sick as a kid. I honestly believe I've watched it 100 times. It's still as good now as ever. This is a good little glimpse into his life then, his life now and the person he is. It won't blow you socks off but it's worth a watch.

Posted by Mike on Friday, January 5, 2024 / imdb / amazon

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