Mike has written a total of 1,411 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).
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Groundhog Day (1993) - 7/10
We've all had that feeling of deja vu, where you see something or experience something or read something and think to yourself, "Hang on, I've seen this before!" It's a strange feeling, isn't it? Well imagine that was your life. We've all had that feeling of deja vu, where you see something or experience something or read something and think to yourself, "Hang on, I've seen this before!" It's a strange feeling, isn't it? Well imagine that was your life. We've all had that feeling of deja vu, where you see something or experience something or read something and think to yourself, "Hang on, I've seen this before!" It's a strange feeling, isn't it? Well imagine that was your life. That's basically what this is about.
Nuremberg (2025) - 6/10
I know the Nazis made some questionable choices, but did we really need a big song and dance about prosecuting them? Of fucking course we did. They're probably the biggest gang of cunts to have ever lived, and I say that despite knowing a few Arsenal fans. I don't know what else to say really, because the Holocaust is downright hilarious as it is... But, no, it's worth a watch because some bits of history are absolutely essential knowledge, especially given the fucking state of the world today. I fear for the way it is heading and this film can serve as a reminder about what happens when the good people in the world let the baddies do their thing.
Springsteen: Deliver Me from Nowhere (2025) - 6/10
The morale of this story - and, indeed, of Springsteen's life - is that it doesn't matter how much of an awkwardly shy nerd you are, if you put on your dad's leather jacket and pick up a guitar, you become an instant pussy magnet. That's obviously a joke, because Springsteen is a fucking dude, and an incredibly talented one at that. Let's be honest, I'd probably fuck him and he's 76 years old! Seriously though, he's great. I've loved his music ever since my mum used to blast Dancing in the Dark whilst making a fry up back when I was kid, and I've seen him live and he was exceptional. This film doesn't really do him justice, so if you want to know about his music and more about the man he is, I recommend you watch Springsteen on Broadway instead.
Here (2024) - 5/10
This film is basically what happens when someone watches Forrest Gump and thinks, “This is great but what if it were more bleak and nobody was allowed to leave the living room?” Every single shot is taken from the same spot in the same room over a number of years, with things starting promising and getting more and more depressing as time ticks on. So in that sense, I suppose, it's a lot like my home-made porn collection, and probably shares a similar production budget. Instead of Forrest accidentally influencing major historical events, history occasionally drifts into this film via the TV and radio as these people raise families, fight, grow old and, generally, be miserable. It's the story of an American life encapsulated: life, love, and furniture placement. I liked the concept, to be honest. I enjoy long timelines and seeing what becomes of people; it gives a thoughtful, reflective vibe about time and our impact on the whole. It'll make you wonder how many people have sat exactly where you're sat now. Or breathed in the exact air you've just breathed in. How many men have walked round with their cocks out in that exact spot where your mouth currently is? And how many more will do so in the future? But ultimately, it feels like it's been done on the cheap. They haven't even hired a camera man, for Christ's sake! They've just whacked it on a tripod and said, "Off you go!"
Adrift (2018) - 6/10
I've been single for a while now - my choice, I'll have you know - so nothing quite warms the cockles of my heart like watching two attractive strangers fall hopelessly in love... And then immediately get fucked up by a catastrophic hurricane. The first half of the film is well set up; lots of sailing and young abandon, meaningful eye contact, charming flirting, soft caressing and scenic sunsets. And just as you're sat there, bitterly thinking, "Yes, yes, very sweet, but get to the good bit", along comes a storm. Suddenly the film becomes less about romance and more about the ocean’s firm belief that young love should be tested under the most hostile conditions. It's a decent film that may inspire wanderlust, or whatever the exact opposite of that is. It brilliantly suggests that falling in love may lead to sunsets, sailing trips, and profound emotional connection, but that, ultimately, we're all alone. Just be grateful that you're not all alone on a fucked boat drifting aimlessly across the Pacific with no food and no method of communication. The lesson is that, yes, kids, absolutely follow your dreams; just be very fucking careful where they take you.
Enemy (2013) - 7/10
This film asks the question, what would you do if you discovered your doppelganger living locally to you? If your first thought is, "I'd make a move on his wife!" then happy days, this film is for you. It is tense and unsettling and will leave you wondering just how uncanny the uncanny valley can get. I enjoyed it, but I'm bald with a beard so two out of every five fellas nowdays look exactly like me, and I'd love nothing more than to shag most of their wives. Not yours though; she's a fucking dog.
Soverign (2025) - 7/10
Nick Offerman is a powerful actor who can dominate a scene with just his eyebrows and the threat of a raised voice. Now imagine he's your dad and he's perpetually disappointed in you. In fact, the only things he likes less than you - his only son - are himself and the government. Sounds scary, right? His words land heavy and stay there, like emotional furniture you’ll be tripping over for years. You realise watching this that every intense stare, every “life lesson” and every long silence can shape your kids in not entirely healthy ways. It will leave you wondering about your own childhood and questioning your own parenting techniques. And the biggest question you'll be left with is, should you text your parents first or your therapist?
September 5 (2024) - 6/10
This is a very unique action movie in that 95% of the action happens whilst people are sat down staring at a screen. It's based on the true story of Olympians being held captive and, eventually kidnaped and - erm, spoiler alert - other bad shit. It's pretty tense and does a good job to remind you that the world has always been a fucking cesspit; that isn't just a modern thing, although, it's probably worse now than ever before. It also questions how thin the line is between reporting the news, shaping the news and becoming the news.
Marty Supreme (2025) - 7/10
This is basically Forrest Gump if Forrest had elite talent, zero humility, and a burning desire to be the biggest arsehole in every room he's in. Instead of stumbling through major moments of history charming everyone with his innocence like Forrest does, Marty instead bulldozes through his own massive fuck ups with pure, world-class arrogance. He's a super-cocky know-it-all who somehow still gets rewarded. It's the sort of film you should show your kids to teach them how not to become successful. By the end I couldn't be sure if I should be rooting for him or praying for his demise. This is being described in the media as a "table tennis movie" when really it's about table tennis in the same way Forrest Gump is about shrimping. It's an entertaining watch though, and the soundtrack is fucking fantastic.
The Rip (2026) - 6/10
If you enjoy Hollywood A Listers being moody whilst they wield two-handed guns with one hand like they’re holding iced coffees, firing endlessly without recoil, reloading or consequences, then this is for you. Gun safety violations apart, the plot is interesting enough but it jumps from being predictable as fuck one moment to too clever for its own good the next. Damon and Affleck together again is obviously the major pull and watching them settle decades of friendly resentment in front of a camera is worth a watch. For scene after scene they glare, shove, and emotionally clothesline each other like it's a Celebrity Death Match with a blockbuster budget. In the end they both sort of win - or lose, depending on your perspective - I suppose. I think I've just seen too many of these sort of films over the years to be blown away by them anymore.
John Candy (2025) - 6/10
John Candy had no chance really. Given the size he was and his family history of heart disease, it was coming for him sooner or later. He was only 43 when he passed which seems incredibly young until you realise his own father died at 35 from the same thing! It must be incredibly tough growing up without a father and eating your feelings is absolutely an approach many take. But it's still incredibly sad, given how much he was adored and how much happiness he spread with his talent.
Ballerina (2025) - 4/10
Look, I'd watch Ana de Armas do anything. Literally anything. Someone could release a film of her reading the manual of a Worcester Bosch Greenstar 4000 30kW boiler and I'd give it a go. She glides through the John Wick universe with lethal grace, fantastic posture, that incredible arse and a face so perfect that Helen of Troy would be jealous. The gist of this movie is basically, "gorgeous woman seeking vengeance by kicking people in the face", so if that sounds like your thing, then off you go. I've realised of late that I'm just not into fighting films any more. They literally do nothing for me. I haven't liked any of the previous John Wick films and I barely liked this one either. If there ever was a spy/assassin as good looking as De Armas, having her being punched in the nose constantly would be a terrible use of her attributes. But everything about the John Wick films is ridiculous and this latest installment is no different.
The King (2019) - 3/10
Medieval dramas involving privately-educated pricks clanking around in armour and doing shit Shakespeare impressions generally aren't my thing, but I fully intended to watch this one. Until, that is, the accents showed up and chose violence. At least when these Southern pricks talk their posh, gilded-spoon-up-the-arse English they're being genuine. Within minutes, American actors are heard drifting between "vaguely British", "confused Irish" and "fella who learned English entirely from watching Black Adder and Braveheart after a night down the pub. It’s like the director told every actor to do an accent but didn't specify which one. Even the British actors are at it. I spent most of my time trying to decipher their vowel choices when I should have been following the plot, which from what I could tell was mostly mud, shouting and Timothée Chalamet looking like a Victorian ghost in his dad's fancy dress outfit. Eventually, with a migraine brewing, I turned it off. Shite.
Nosferatu (2024) - 6/10
On my They-Could-Have-Got-A-Fitter-Bird scale, I think they've pretty much smashed it in this. Lily-Rose Depp is the perfect combination of good-looking and Looks-Like-Skeletor that fits the bill here perfectly. When the hair and make-up departments aren't trying to make her look like a corpse, she is very shaggable, but here she is as gaunt and as gothic as you'd want. This is a classic vampire film but done modernly with proper cameras and a proper budget. In a world where everyone looks permanently traumatized, everything looks permanently damp, and questionable shadows have people constantly looking over their shoulder with haunted eyes, it reminded me a lot of my early sexual experiences. For what they were trying to achieve, they've absolutely done it. It'll certainly leave you craving sunlight on your skin and a nice warm brew.
Relay (2024) - 6/10
This is an interesting film in which you find yourself wondering, "Does shit like this really go on?" The world is mad place - especially in 2026 - so it probably does. These relay workers must have heard some shit. It struck a chord with me how you can have this sort of relationship with someone without ever actually speaking to them on the phone. There are plenty of whispered conversations delivered via burner phones, so in that sense it reminds me a lot of all the time I've spent calling sex lines over the years. There really is nothing more dangerous, intimate, or thrilling than taking the opportunity whilst your wife is in the bath to sneak into the spare bedroom with some tissues and a tub of vaseline to grunt down the phone to a mysterious voice on the other end. It's about secrets, surveillance, paranoia and corporate conspiracies, although disappointing, not once is anyone asked, "So... what are you wearing?"
The Brutalist (2025) - 6/10
This is a film about a Hungarian-Jewish Holocaust survivor who gets separated from his family and travels to New York to make a new life for himself. It touches on romance, on hard-work, on the immigrant struggle and, most importantly, on how the only thing László loves more than his wife is concrete. Adrien Brody plays the part very well; you can see in his eyes how torn he is between human connection and the seductive promise of reinforced cement. When he's not thinking about load-bearing walls, he's either re-living his trauma or doing heroin in an attempt to make it through to bed-time. The cinematography and musical compositons are great and you definitely come out of the film feeling like you've experienced something, but what exactly? I'm not so sure. I definitely felt like I wasn't clever enough to be the films intended audience though, which did feel marginally insulting. It's a mad film but worth a watch.
Wake Up Dead Man (2025) - 5/10
This is the latest installment of the Knives Out franchise, which essentially are feature-length games of Cluedo repackaged for Gen Z who haven't got the patience themselves to sit down and play a board game. Somehow, yet again, every other character is a bigger prick than Benoit Blanc, which takes some doing. You know the format, it's been done since the dawn of time. Some cunt comes to a sticky end and we have to figure out who's done it... Yeah, I know. There's smug rich people, deceit and dodgy accents aplenty, although, again, it's a let down compared to the original Knives Out, which had Ana de Armas in it, so of fucking course it's not going to be as good as that.
Train Dreams (2025) - 6/10
I love getting the train. There's something about sitting there, staring out the window and seeing the world shoot by that inspires melancholy, and in a fast-moving world where you don't have time for anything, I very much appreciate that. I also enjoy eyeing-up good-looking women on the train and imagining an entire shared life together. I like to ask myself, "Where would we go on Honeymoon?", "How many kids would we have?" and, "Why hasn't she looked my way once?" And thus, more melancholy as I mourn a relationship that lasted exactly three stops. This film, too, is very much about the melancholy, about life choices, about doing your best and about consequence. It's slow but in a good way, and I enjoyed seeing a glimpse into how people lived in that part of the world at that point in time. Worth a watch.
Misery (1990) - 7/10
The morale of this story is that all women are cray-cray. I know I may be overstating that, but come on. We've all had girlfriends and wives long enough to know that this is the case. In many cases, it's not even their fault; it's the hormones. But that doesn't stop it being true. I'm obviously joking here because Annie Wilkes is spectacularly unwell, but you know what I mean. You didn't watch Jaws and then think that all fish will fuck you up given the chance, did you? It's not out of order to suggest that Kathy Bates (as Annie) delivers here one of the most iconic performances in cinema history. I, like Annie, despise continuity errors in fiction but are they punishable by death? Well, that's for you to decide. Annie has certainly made her mind up. The genius of Misery is how it weaponises home comforts. A cosy house, a comfortable bed and a bottle of wine with your meal all seem well and good until you've got a smirking psychopath offering you a biscuit with a scalding cup of tea so close to your face. This is the most realistic horror film you'll probably ever see and therefore it deserves a lot of respect.
Filth (2013) - 4/10
Watching this is like being trapped in the mind of a bad man who thinks collecting women like football cards is the most entertaining game ever, especially when off your face. It's one of the most misogynistic films you'll ever see, and given everything we know about Hollywood, that's saying something. In fact, I think that's what Irvine Welsh set out to do. Imagine a person whose entire personality was contempt for women and you've got the main character in this. I think we're meant to be repulsed by it rather than to celebrate it, so if you actual enjoy this, then you're a massive twat. I bet if your teenage nephew watched it, it'd be his favourite film ever. The only person Bruce hates more than he hates women is himself. It is grimy, chaotic and aggressively Scottish, yet, somehow, paints a portrait of a man on a path to self-destruction bringing as many others down with him as he can. I recognised all of that, yet I didn't like it, because of all the above, which is strange, because I hate women as much as anyone.