Funny film reviews written by you!

Mike has written a total of 1,180 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).

We are ordering by .

Minari (2020) - 6/10

There are two lessons that come from this film. One, don't buy a farm. Two, don't let your mother-in-law move in with you. In any normal year, this is never nominated for the Best Picture Oscar. I'm normally into these real life struggle films but this one wasn't the best. It's neither uplifting enough nor grim enough to stand out.

Posted by Mike on Friday, May 14, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Godfather Part II (1974) - 7/10

I've never thought this was as good as part one. In fact, I think it owes much of its reputation simple because it comes after part one and people were so keen to know how the story continued. For me, there's much too much of Vito's storyline. However, Al Pacino is absolutely fucking spectacular in this. Every scene he's in is just dripping with pure class and, with hindsight, you can see this is the film where he became the actor he was going to be for the next 3 decades.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, May 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Godfather (1972) - 8/10

Don't get me wrong, this is an all time great. I adored it as a kid but having watched it again recently, I could tell it was 50 years old. I mean, I can't see modern kids falling in love with it in the way that previous generations did. I have always struggled to relate to films set so much before my time and that is certainly the case here.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, May 11, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief (2015) - 6/10

So strange that these intelligent, reputation-obsessed celebrities are so keen not only to join Scientology, but to shout as loud about its benefits as they can. Like all religions, Scientology is a load of fucking bollocks. The difference between Scientology and every other religion is that the events it is based on happened so recently so we know for a fact its all bullshit, unlike, for example, the stories of Jesus, which we also know is bollocks, but, has slightly more authenticity due its durability over the millennia.

Posted by Mike on Monday, May 10, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Trophy (2017) - 6/10

This is about trophy hunters killing large game and it's a fucking tough watch. I can't decide what's worse; seeing the baby rhino running around in a panic and basically crying after its mother is killed, hearing the elephant breathing its last having been gunned down, or the cunt shooting the croc in the head with a rifle from point blank range whilst it's tied up and can't escape. And that's before I even mention the bit where the supposed good guys chop a rhino's horn off. The world has lost 60% of all wild animals in last 50 years and it's down to us. What a horrible race we humans are. Oh, and fuck Ted Roosevelt.

Posted by Mike on Friday, May 7, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Mule (2018) - 5/10

Clint Eastwood is fucking old. I mean, really, really old. It's actually a bit morbid watching a guy this old still trying to act. In this he plays a walking corpse who starts running drugs for a cartel after his flower business goes under. I've never been a fan of Eastwood - he's always been wooden as fuck - but now he's just decrepit. I actually feel sorry for him. He should be putting all his effort into not pissing himself and give the acting up.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, May 6, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Nomadland (2020) - 7/10

This is a very important film at a time when everyone is trying to keep up with the Jones'. Most people want a bigger house, a better car, just more stuff in general. We should all be grateful for what we already have and stop always desiring for more. We should be especially grateful that we have our health, we have our families and friends and that they, too, remain healthy. It's a fucking cruel world out there. I knew I'd enjoy it before even putting it on because real life grimness is totally my bag.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, May 5, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Promising Young Woman (2020) - 6/10

The moral of this story is that men are fucking pigs. I mean, I am one and even I agree. Absolute fucking pigs, mate. Anyway, this is a strange movie; and it is absolutely told with more than a hint of satire. I feel like whoever dreamed this up has been grossly mistreated by men in their past and, for that, I feel sorry for them. I wasn't very satisfied with the ending though, but I enjoyed the rest of it. I am surprised it was nominated for so many Oscars though, but it has been a slow year on that front I suppose, given all the delays down to Covid.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, May 4, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Where to Invade Next (2015) - 6/10

This is about how shit America is and how much they take the piss out of people there. Michael Moore travels to a handful of European countries and hears about how much paid holidays they get, how much paid maternity cover they get, how much more power their employees have, how much better their education system is, how much better they treat their criminals, how much better their democratic systems are, and, even, how much better they understand their own country's history. But, yeah, you know, AMERICAHHH, FUCK YEAH!

Posted by Mike on Friday, April 30, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Sound of Metal (2019) - 7/10

The ultimate message here is to look after your hearing because - fuck me - life without it seems pretty fucking grim. It's about losing your place in the world - losing your career, your girl and even yourself - and how you deal with it. It's about how quickly things can change and about accepting them when they do. I recognised the female actor immediately and spent ages trying to place her before realising she's in Me and Early and The Dying Girl, and she actually looks better in that, which is funny considering she plays the dying girl. Anyway, watch it, but, you know, keep the fucking volume down, yeah?

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, April 28, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Merchants of Doubt (2014) - 5/10

This is about how we've all been misled to believe that smoking isn't bad for you, climate change doesn't exist and, basically, that you can't really trust any of these so-called experts. Huge organisations with endless pockets have, for decades, used spin to make us doubt what genuine scientists have been trying to tell us. It's been going on for years and still is today. It explains why so many of these cunts have got away with it for so long. To be honest, there wasn't much new stuff in it for me and it'll probably just leave you furious, hence the rating.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, April 27, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Meru (2015) - 7/10

This is another bunch of mad bastards tackling a big fuck-off never-been-climbed-before peak for shits and giggles with Jimmy Chin once again on camera duty. In a world where most people can't even film a decent video with their phone whilst stood on solid ground, he deserves the utmost respect for managing to do so whilst hanging off a sheer cliff face. I'd say it was a case of ups and downs but it's mountain climbing, so of fucking course it is. It's a story of dealing with tremendous setbacks, of knowing when to call it a day and of having the fight to get back on your feet and give it another go, quite literally.

Posted by Mike on Monday, April 26, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Blood Simple (1984) - 6/10

This is the first Coen brothers film and one of the peak "noir" films of its generation. I hate that I have to use that word because it makes me sound like a right fucking bellend, but, to be honest, it's the best way of describing it in a way that you'll understand. People who claim to be proper film buffs will almost certainly claim to love it. I thought it was decent the first time I watched it two decades ago and, having watched it again the other day, I maintain that opinion. If you think poorly of me for that, either way, you can go fuck yourself.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, April 22, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Anthropocene: The Human Epoch (2018) - 6/10

This is all about how we - the human race - have fucked the planet almost beyond hope. Agent Smith was right. Human beings are a disease; a cancer of this planet. We are literally causing the sixth mass extinction. Extinction rates are up 10,000 times compared to natural rates thanks to habitat loss, poaching and climate change. We are all guilty and you, for your part in it, should be extremely embarrassed.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, April 21, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Salt of the Earth (2014) - 7/10

This is basically one of the world's greatest ever photographers talking about his best known photographs. Each one is already of such quality that they tell a tremendous story but it's fascinating listening to him adding such context. Over the years his work has raised awareness of the droughts and famine in Africa, of genocide, of war and of other pressing issues the world over. Few people have ever captured the soul of a situation or of a place quite like he has. And to think, his photos may not even be the most impressive things he's done with his life. What a man and what a life well lived.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, April 20, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Dissident (2020) - 6/10

This is about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi. What those cunts did to him is disgusting and the way Saudi Arabia have suffered no sanctions from the international community as punishment is just as wrong. The world is absolutely fucked, mate. I think I want to get off.

Posted by Mike on Friday, April 16, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Highlander (1986) - 6/10

I adored this as a kid, largely, for some reason, because I loved the idea of chopping people's heads off. I loved the computer game Barbarian on the Commodore 64 for the same reason. A lot of my friends were the same and most of them never turned into psychopaths. I watched it again recently for the first time in years. It's absurd now, of course, but it has some classic scenes that will always be special to me. It's basically Terminator with swords, where Kurgan is Arnie and Christopher Lambert is Sarah Connor. The sheers 80s-ness of it is great but it really hasn't aged that well.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, April 14, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Threads (1984) - 6/10

I've had this film on my To Watch list for about a decade. What that means is, I've read about it somewhere - probably on a reddit movie thread - and I've added it to my list. And now, all these years later, I've finally got around to watching it. The point I'm making here is that I am incredibly faithful to my admin. The whole thing is grim as fuck and I'm surprised they showed it on TV whilst the Cold War was still going on. I bet it shit the public right up. The bomb drop scene especially - whilst rudimentary - is very entertaining.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, April 13, 2021 / imdb / amazon

I Saw The Devil (2010) - 6/10

I love a bit of violence and inflict it on my wife as often as possible. This film is one of the most violent I've seen so, of course, I very much enjoyed that side of it. However, I do have issues with it. Firstly if you catch a raping murderer for raping and murdering your girl, if you let him go there's a very good chance that he'll continue to rape and murder. Secondly, in this film - and as is often the case in life - the punishment delivered to the raping murderer just isn't sufficient given all the raping and murdering. But, yeah, decent.

Posted by Mike on Monday, April 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Robin's Wish (2020) - 8/10

This is about the very cruel end to Robin Williams' life. Sadly for him, he didn't know that he had dementia; just that he wasn't himself any more and that he no longer wanted to live with whatever his condition was. Told by those closest to him, it is a sad tale about an incredibly talented and much loved actor.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, April 7, 2021 / imdb / amazon

An error has occurred. This application may no longer respond until reloaded. Reload 🗙