Funny film reviews written by you!

Mike has written a total of 1,225 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).

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Finch (2021) - 6/10

I've wondered for years how long until someone can make a Real Doll that has enough AI inbuilt in to it so that it can realistically satisfy all my sexual desires. When that day arrives, and I'm sure it will, I will be emptying the kids savings account to buy myself one. Divorce from my now useless wife will surely follow and me and my latex girlfriend will live happily ever after. This film is sort of like that but with less mess. The general intelligence of the robot must be taken with a monstrous pinch of salt, but the rest, I suppose, seems plausibile. A story we've all heard a million times over though.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, January 20, 2022 / imdb / amazon

The Rescue (2021) - 8/10

This one of those true stories that had it been made as a fictional film, you'd claim it was too unrealistic. How these guys managed to get these boys out of a flooded cave, at such depths, is truly remarkable. They knew what they were doing was incredibly dangerous, not just for the kids involved but also for themselves. And yet, they did it anyway. None of them should ever have to buy a pint ever again. True heroes.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, January 19, 2022 / imdb / amazon

Swan Song (2021) - 7/10

This is very Black Mirror and I fucking love Black Mirror. I also love misery and this has plenty of that. It's a very realistic near-future Sci-Fi story about how far a man would go to protect his family. Without spoiling it too much, it's a process I'd like to go through myself because I'm pretty sure me and other individual involved would get on great.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, January 18, 2022 / imdb / amazon

Wrath Of Man (2021) - 6/10

This was worth a watch - let's be honest, who doesn't love a heist film? - but I was a little disappointed, mainly because it didn't contain any of the usual Guy Ritchie humour, which, for me, is his USP. And because of that it's just another of these films, of which there have been many. And, to be honest, it's not even as good as some of the more recent ones, ie Den of Thieves and The Town.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, December 21, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Work (2017) - 5/10

This is a documentary about a prison program in which a bunch of tatoo-laden, hard-hitting, gang-sign-throwing motherfuckers all sit around together having deeper conversations than they do in Dawson's Creek. I'm a man so talking about my feelings is nearly as awkward as another man talking to me about his feelings, so this is a fucking awkward watch. Espeically all the crying and hugging and shit. I mean it looks like it helps but it also looks like, to me, that there's some acting going on.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, December 16, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Labyrinth of Lies (2014) - 6/10

I learned a lot watching this; like how great the ignorance - or even denial - was Germans initially had about the crimes that had been committed during the second world war. In the years following the end of the war, many Germans didn't know about the Holocaust, about Auschwitz or about the number of people who the Nazis had killed. It took amazing work of people to document it before it generally became accepted, and for the worst war criminals to be prosecuted. I also learned that the German word for poison is "gift", which is a bit unfortunate.

Posted by Mike on Wednesday, December 15, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Who Am I (2014) - 6/10

I wanted to watch this because it's by the creators of Netflix series DARK, which, if you haven't seen it, is absolutely fucking superb. They even share some of the same actors. This film is alright but the hacker thing has been done over and over now. The soundtrack is great though. But seriously, watch DARK. You won't regret it.

Posted by Mike on Friday, December 10, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Palmer (2021) - 6/10

This is the age old story of a convict who gets out of prison and tries to go on the straight and narrow back at home where his reputation and record thwart his journey down that path. It's been done before - as has the adorable kid thing too - but it was an alright watch. I wouldn't watch it again but I'm also not disappointed that I did. It's in that sort of Goldie Locks zone of films that will probably never cross your mind ever again. I do like Justin Timberlake though, and he's veryy good in this.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, December 7, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Racing Extinction (2015) - 6/10

Another shock doc about how fucked the planet is. They keep releasing these and I keep watching them. It's been done before many a time though so I can't praise it too highly. Good on the journalists who go about with the investigations though; they have to do some dangerous shit and risk their safety to get the footage required. My hat cometh off to them. And when you think it was actually released six years ago, you realise that the planet has had six more years of being twatted from every angle by the human race since.

Posted by Mike on Friday, December 3, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Tread (2020) - 6/10

What a hero this fella is. We've all felt hard done to by those in power and we've all wanted to seek out revenge somehow, but, usually, most of us don't. Well this guy does and in a big way. The first hour or so of the film explain why he's so pissed off and, right so I reckon, what motivates him to do what he does. The last 35 minutes are just fucking great as you see the whole thing unfold via archive footage and interviews with the people who witnessed it. A working class hero is something to be, indeed, and Marv is exactly that.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, December 2, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Nobody (2021) - 6/10

This is a 10/10 on the As If Scale but, despite - and, to be honest, probably because of - its ridiculousness, it's actually very entertaining. It has a bit of jokey element to it which I like. Similar films, like, say, John Wick, try to be all serious so they can leave themselves open to more criticism. When it's clear early on that we're all here for a bit of a laugh and a jolly good time, it makes the whole experience that bit easier to navigate. You'll most likely only ever watch it once but it's far from a wasted 90 minutes.

Posted by Mike on Friday, November 26, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Dune (2021) - 9/10

I've only given three films a rating of 9/10 in the last 10 years. This is one of them. It is immense. I am already looking forward to seeing it again. After the first 15 minutes or so I was worried I was going to get lost in all the races and planets and history and terminology, but I didn't. The pacing is superb; it gets going immediately and never stops. The music is superb throughout and the visuals are just incredible. The only bad thing I can say about it is that we've got to wait two years for part two.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, November 16, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Last Descent (2016) - 5/10

The real life story of this has fascinated me for a while so as soon as I heard there was a film about it I had to see it. However, it's just on too long. There's almost too much background about who John is. I know that's important but the rescue is the most interesting bit. The scene where he gets stuck is chilling though, knowing what comes next. That bit, at least, certainly gets the heard pumping. But if the series of events are true to what happened then he's a fucking idiot.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, November 9, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Oliver Sacks: His Own Life (2019) - 5/10

I've read most of Oliver Sacks' books and they're generally very good. However, even I found this a bit boring. He was a fascinating guy with a great insight into the mind and all that shit, but this isn't a great watch. What I'm trying to say is, don't bother with it, but, having said that, you wouldn't have bothered even if I'd given it a 9, would you? How do I know that? Because you're an uneducated, ignorant cunt with zero interest in the workings of the mind or Oliver Sacks' life. In fact, you know what, go fuck yourself.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, November 4, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Last Duel (2021) - 6/10

Look, let's not fuck about here; Jodie Comer's skin is fucking flawless. She must have a Patrick Bateman like moisturising routine. I'm getting hard just thinking about it to be honest. As for the film, well, it's alright but it had the potential to be great. With Ridley Scott directing and a superb cast, it is a bit of a let down. I really like Adam Driver and Matt Damon but they both play kind of strange parts in this. And why Ben Affleck is even in it is baffling. Definitely right up there with the most Most Pointless A Lister role ever, for me. Jodie Comer and her perfect skin and slightly weird mouth is brilliant again and she probably steals the show. The way the story is told from multiple points of view was a bold approach but it ultimately failed and really just ends up being a bit weird.

Posted by Mike on Monday, November 1, 2021 / imdb / amazon

The Guilty (2021) - 6/10

The Danish version of this is great. The rehashed version is alright but not a patch on the original. It got so slated that I nearly didn't bother watching it but it was my top suggestion on netflix and I was looking for some background noise whilst I bathed and dismembered all my barbie dolls, so on it went. I had to pause it at one point because it just felt too weird masturbating with the freshly washed hair of a decapitated barbie doll wrapped around my dick with Jake Gyllenhaal's pained expression staring back at me from the telly. I got it finished though once my dolls were put to bed and I didn't think it was at all as bad as people said. Don't know what they're on about, the fuckin' weirdos.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, October 12, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Schumacher (2021) - 6/10

I went to school with a lad called Michael Schumacher. No shit. I always wondered what would happen when the police stopped him in his car and asked for his name. Would love to see that scenario unfold. Anyway, the proper Michael Schumacher was obviously a superb racing car driver and a thrill seeker, which, sadly, led to his demise really. When you're jumping out of planes left, right and centre and literally skiing off-piste in life in general, there's a chance you'll come unstuck. It's crazy how he survived such a dangerous career as a racing car driver only to then suffer terrible injuries whilst skiing. It is incredibly sad though that this happened to someone so young who seemed such a good dad to his kids.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, October 7, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Free Guy (2011) - 5/10

This is a ridiculous film about a Non Playable AI Character coming to life in an online role-playing game and causing mayhem. It reminded me of Scott Pilgrim, so if you enjoyed that, you'll dig this. Obviously I despised Scott Pilgrim and this wasn't much better. I did get a few laughs out of it and I ejoyed seeing Jodie Comer in the first proper film I've seen her in, although I still can't figure out what's going on with her mouth. My wife, at least, enjoyed it, but that could be because Ryan Reynolds is in it.

Posted by Mike on Tuesday, October 5, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Another Round (2020) - 6/10

Love a bevy, me. Let's be honest, who doesn't? Well these fellas try maintaining a low level of drunkeness at all times. What could go wrong? Well, it turns out quite a bit. It's a decent watch that goes a long way to glorifying drinking before, obviously, about facing. Although I did still come out of it looking forward to the next time I was getting on it. Proper trigger warning gear for alcoholics.

Posted by Mike on Friday, October 1, 2021 / imdb / amazon

Amy (2015) - 7/10

This is the story of how a troubled girl gets thrust into the limelight much too quickly, before she was anywhere near ready, and how she then fell in with the wrong crowd. The wrong crowd being her boyfriend and eventual husband Blake. He really is a piece of shit and I hope he gets the most severe form of arsehole cancer. He introduced her to drugs which, along with the years of abuse her body suffered from bulimia and alcohol abuse, ultimately killed her at just 27. And what a loss to the world it was because she was immensely talented. All in all, a very sad story.

Posted by Mike on Thursday, September 23, 2021 / imdb / amazon

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