Funny film reviews written by you!

Phil has written a total of 156 reviews with an average rating of 6. Phil particularly liked Se7en (1995), American Psycho (2000) and V for Vendetta (2005).

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[Rec] 3 Genesis (2012) - 3/10

Nooooo! Noooooooooooo! I know Spain's economy etc has gone to shit but didnt realise that applied to its film industry. Brides wielding chainsaws in tunnels? Death by Food Processor? Oh come the fuck on. This is a lesson is how to destroy something promising.

Posted by Phil on Friday, July 27, 2012 / imdb / amazon

Atm (2012) - 3/10

Another shitty and ridiculous film about a possible 'real life' situation. Honestly go the ATM (cash machine, please we're English), enter your pin, read your statement, realise how skint you are and that lifes shit and you may aswell go and just end it all... And there you go, more fun than this shit.

Posted by Phil on Monday, July 16, 2012 / imdb / amazon

Salt (2010) - 6/10

Have you seen the car chase? Never mind shooting round fucking corners? Its awesome for the CGI etc but you do LOL at the stupid shit. Never watch with a physics nut. Steven Hawkings would sound like a V90 modem he'd be so enraged.

Posted by Phil on Monday, July 16, 2012 / imdb / amazon

Wall Street (1987) - 7/10

Its interesting that the kids of the Wall Street age are now all grown up and driving Maserati's blowing peoples retirements on none exisitent stock or fixing rates and shit. Champayne anyone? Greed is good eh, indeed.

Posted by Phil on Monday, July 16, 2012 / imdb / amazon

Quarantine (2008) - 7/10

This is the American remake of [REC], its no different, in fact its shot for shot almost, yes its all in English and I hoped for some better effects from Hollywood but to be honest dont bother with this, just watch [REC], if your that lazy and or stupid to be funny about subs get the dubbed version or infact if your that bad just watch this as you dont deserve the original.

Posted by Phil on Monday, September 12, 2011 / imdb / amazon

Quarantine 2: Terminal (2011) - 6/10

So you have seen all the [REC]'s, you have seen Quarantine and this pops up, you would assume this was [REC]2 but the Hollywood version again? Well dont assume as it makes an ass of u and me, indeed this is nothing to do with the [REC] series, its just a second film loosely based on Quarantine. Eh? Yeah exactly how confusing! This time the zombie-infection-fun takes place on a Plane and in a Airport Terminal, is it any good? Its watchable and that is something in these straight to DVD days.

Posted by Phil on Monday, September 12, 2011 / imdb / amazon

Sucker Punch (2011) - 9/10

Wow, just wow, super sexy ladies in stocking and corsets kick arse and take names in some of the most epic CGI you have ever seen. Do not watch this on your shitty TV in your bedroom, don't watch it in anything less than 1080p, watch it with your mates on a fucking huge screen with some serious surround and fuck the shitty world we live in for a couple of hours. Its no story to remember really but when it looks and sounds this good, who fucking cares? And that my friends is why its getting a 9.

Posted by Phil on Monday, June 20, 2011 / imdb / amazon

The Troll Hunter (2010) - 9/10

We weren't even sure this film exisited but thank the baby jesus and his ickle cotton socks it does, this is awesome. So you know Norway, land of the Fjords and the crazy accents (like german underwater, you knows it) well they have just a little bit of folklore on Trolls, yeah those under the bridge types not the ones your thinking of in that dodgy club at 3am. This is basically the bastard (troll) child of Blair Witch and Cloverfield, turn up the sound, dim lights and prepare to go OM fucking G!

Posted by Phil on Wednesday, February 9, 2011 / imdb / amazon

Devil (2010) - 7/10

I heard this was good, sat down to watch and saw its a M. Shite Shyamalan movie, I wont lie I instantly felt myself dimiss it. I hate this guy, he cant seem to do anything without it all being far to arty farty and thinking he's clever when really its just an overdone overused recanted parable. Anyway, rant over, I was surprised to find it quite enjoyable, its tense and well thought out, the whole whos the devil game will keep you amused, I doubt many get it right.

Posted by Phil on Friday, December 17, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008) - 9/10

This is the story of Zachery, his father and his mother, told by his fathers friends. I wont give you anymore details, but you need to watch this. Though be prepared, this isnt some created story, this is real life and as I'm sure your aware real life is far more brutual and shocking than you ever expected.

Posted by Phil on Wednesday, December 15, 2010 / imdb / amazon

In My Sleep (2009) - 3/10

The actual idea behind this is good, it really is, its just everything else that lets its down, crap acting : oh yeah, poor sets : you have no idea, looks like it was filmed by a 4 year old : indeed! There is a bit where he wakes in his bed ( obviously for a film about sleep) and I swear as he moves not just the bed but the entire set etc moves with him. It looks like someone got bored on a porn film and tried to film an actual movies in between DPing Sally and Britneys gangbang...

Posted by Phil on Thursday, November 25, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Monsters (2010) - 5/10

You remember Cloverfield? Yeah? Damn decent wasnt it, ok it was annoying to but overall it was decent. Well this looked like a Cloverfield clone, giant alien monsters fall to earth over Mexcio etc after a space probe goes wrong. America decides to build a huge fuck off wall around itself (cause that would stop huge aliens who travelled through time and space to be here... jesus....) and occasionally bomb the shit outta the 'Infected Zone'. Sounds promising but fails to deliver.

Posted by Phil on Thursday, November 25, 2010 / imdb / amazon

The Tortured (2010) - 5/10

You could see where this was going from the get go, not that it detracts from the film, its ok at best, Jesse the fit gardener from Desperate Housewives is in it and does an outstanding job of looking like Ken from Barbie. Anyway its the usual, some sick fucker kills their kid, the law they feel fails them so how best to get some bloody revenge and on we go to the credits. I like a decent revenge film as we all do but this is lacking something.

Posted by Phil on Thursday, November 25, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Frozen (2010) - 3/10

Jesus christ, what is it with these fucking reality-survival-horror flicks, yes we know this shit can happen and that makes it all the more scary, supposedly. But and its a fucking huge but, it only works if you put yourself in the shoes of said person stuck in middle of woods / sea / desert etc. There is one issue with this, the people in these films are fucking idiots, they all deserve to die.....

Posted by Phil on Monday, October 11, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Harry Brown (2009) - 6/10

I was recently on Jury Duty, doing my bit for society, what a fucking joke, over half the people there more than likely couldn't tell you the alphabet, the other lot are to pissed off with losing money and being locked in with the morons that they'll give any verdict just to get the fuck outta there. Qoutes from the week, "he's too young to have robbed someone","if hes 27 and not been arrested hes done well","hes to young to send down, my sons older". If only there really where more Harrys......

Posted by Phil on Friday, September 17, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Zoolander (2001) - 2/10

I hate moron comedy, I hate Ben Stiller and therefore I hate Zoolander. I dont give a shit if he cant turn left, the only place he should be turning is swiftly into the path of a large, runaway artic truck.

Posted by Phil on Thursday, September 16, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Iron Man 2 (2010) - 7/10

Tony Stark is my hero, he doesnt care what you think of him, he doesnt care about his position, he's Iron Man FFS. Now I'm sure most of you watch this for the story, the special effects etc. Me? No, I watch this for the porn. What porn I hear you shout, have I missed a end of credit scene? Have I not entered the correct Konami code? No, its the gadget porn, that phone, oh yesssss please! His whip-out-pop-up Iron Man suitcase? Oh suit you. And as for JARVIS, I'd swap my balls for it....

Posted by Phil on Thursday, September 16, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Green Zone (2010) - 3/10

Imagine a hidden cave, a sacred hidden cave, hidden from man for thousands of years, guarded by monks, monks that are only spoken about in whispers and myths. In this cave, its walls sparkling the deepest green with emeralds, its floor layered in cushions so soft its like clouds, grows the original Ganja plant, from where royal Shivas blood once touched the ground, this is the Green Zone, its the most beautiful place on earth and this film has got absolutely fuck all to do with it. Its shit.

Posted by Phil on Tuesday, July 20, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Talhotblond: (2009) - 6/10

The Internet, its amazing, all the things you can learn, the virtual places you can go, the thrill of gaming and the possibility of fame should your video, blog, website etc be loved by the dear ever constant browsers, its magical. You can make friends, entertain the masses, meet your true love, oh the joys. You could also get your shit well and truely fucked with by some madder than toast crazy mutherfucker with a serious case of the head fucks. But its worth it, isn't it?

Posted by Phil on Tuesday, July 20, 2010 / imdb / amazon

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) - 7/10

I expected the usual shit, indeed I stayed away from it for 2 years, but I'm a big boy, I can admit I was wrong, this is comic genius. "I can do a headstand motherfucker! yeah!", splendid!

Posted by Phil on Tuesday, July 20, 2010 / imdb / amazon

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