Mike has written a total of 1,327 reviews with an average rating of 5. Mike particularly liked Fight Club (1999), Se7en (1995), Snatch (2000), Gladiator (2000), V for Vendetta (2005), The Matrix (1999), The Corporation (2003) and Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008).
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Road House (2024) - 4/10
Ridiculous, but it's meant to be, I suppose.
Poor Things (2023) - 2/10
I put this on and literally said to myself outloud, "Let's see how long I last." The answer was 11 minutes. It nearly went off at eight minutes but I thought that would be unfair. Once Emma Stone (who's real name is Emily, don't you know?) started talking, my patience quickly dwindled. If you're a certain type of person - you know... one of those - then you may well enjoy it. Or, at least, tell yourself you did, so you can come across all edgy and whatnot. But I'm not one of those people. I'm not sure why I even put it on but I'm willing to give most things a chance. At least now I can be comfortable in my ignorance, knowing I didn't just immediately dismiss it.
American Fiction (2023) - 6/10
I don't feel like I can even review this properly because it's about the black experience. Well, the experience of a black man fighting against black stereotypes. I've only ever blackfaced once as Mr T back when I was nine years old and I pray for the sake of the political career that I'll never, ever have that those photos don't surface. Although, how much responsibility can you put on a nine-year-old, really? Exactly, you prick. Anyway, I did laugh out loud at this a few times and, of course, Jeffrey Wright is superb. I wouldn't exactly recommend it to people, but it wasn't bad either.
Dune: Part Two (2024) - 7/10
I was so incredibly excited to see this film. Probably the most excited I've been about seeing any other film ever, because the first was just so good. I went on opening day because of fucking course I did, and so no-one had spoiled it in any way for me. However, it went some way to spoiling itself, I discovered. Don't get me wrong; it's a good film and visually it is stunning, but the pacing is all off. The first hour is too slow and the rest is too rushed. Too many assumptions are made, I feel, about what the audience knows. I haven't read the books, mate, I don't know why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ] or why [ Redacted to avoid spoilers ]! Seems like most other people enjoyed it though, so maybe I'm the problem. Maybe my ex-wife was right. But maybe fuck her and, you know what, maybe fuck you too.
Buried: The 1982 Alpine Meadows Avalanche (2021) - 6/10
This is about an avalanche that happened in California in 1982, which is strange because - a fucking WHAT in California? They don't have snow in California, you say?! Well, I'm afraid they do. Cali isn't all just beaches, tanned bodies, drug mules and Snoop Dogg, you know. It's a big fucking place and Northern California gets cold as fuck. I've been to San Francisco in May and it was a bit chilly as I was sat atop a tour bus. Was sunny, mind. Anyway, Alpine Meadows is more north than San Fran, but - what the fuck am I on about? I'm not here to teach you a fucking geography lesson. It's worth a watch, partly because we all like to think we'd know exactly how to save ourselves during, say, a fucking avalanche. Well, I've got news for you, buddy, the avalanche don't give one tiny shit abour your plans, as you'll see here.
Barbarian (2022) - 5/10
This is about a man with the largest tape measure in the world measuring the square footage of his house and being pleasantly surprised with his findings. It's good for quite a while and has you guessing what could happen next. Then, IT happens, and you're like, fuck! It then slows down and builds again, although, it does, by the end, get very silly, but these sort of films often do. I can see why some would love it. It's not for me but it's also not terrible. Worth a watch if you're a horror fan.
El número nueve (2019) - 6/10
I loved Gabriel Batistuta when I was growing up. Fiorentina were my Italian team because of him. He was just such a good striker - a complete number nine - and he could proper thundertwat the ball, which is very impressive when you're nine. Purple is still my favourite colour to this day, and him and Fiorentina are probably the main reason why. Him in that purple kit with them flowing locks and the headband. What a fucking fella. Well this film is about him. About him back then and about him now, and about how fucked his ankles are nowadays due to kicking the ball dead hard for years. It's interesting enough but maybe could have been done differently, and by differently, I mean better.
Beau Is Afraid (2023) - 6/10
I watched this about three moths ago and I'm still trying to come to terms with it enough to write a review. I have to say, I have genuine concerns for mental wellbeing of the person who wrote this and I sincerely hope their relationship with mother has improved. It is a proper journey of a film. At the start I was laughing out loud but as it goes on, it gets real dark. I think I'm going to watch it again. It's one of those that stays with you.
Society of the Snow (2023) - 7/10
For starters, this is worth watching for the plane crash alone. And no, that's not a fucking spoiler, you arsehole. That's like saying talking about the ship sinking in Titanic is a spoiler. Anyway, the rest is very good, too. It portrays the mire they find themselves in so well that I actually felt cold watching it, whilst sat in my warm living room wrapped in a deluxe blanket. At one point, I felt so bad for them, I had to go and make myself a hot chocolate. When you know the story as well as most of us know this story, it's a tough job to make the film interesting enough, but it certainly does. I enjoyed it and the dubbing on Netflix was very good too.
20 Feet From Stardom (2013) - 6/10
This is about backing singers and the importance they have played in some of the biggest songs in history, especially in the 70s. Many of these are incredibly talented and deserve as much fame and fortune as any artist you could name, but it just didn't work out that way for some. It's a reminder that sometimes talent and hard work alone just aren't enough.
Plane (2023) - 4/10
Your bog-standard Gerard Butler action film. I need not say any more.
Evil Dead Rise (2023) - 3/10
I watched this expecting it to be shit and guess what? It was shit. You know the script; you've seen it all before. Woman becomes possessed and starts doing mad shit. And by mad shit I mean trying to kill all her loved ones. There is nothing unqiue about this. Shite.
The Walk (2015) - 5/10
Do yourself a favour and just watch Man On Wire instead. It's so much better than this.
Reminiscence (2021) - 3/10
I enjoy time travel films generally but I did not enjoy this one. It got too into it too soon. Where's the foreplay for fuck's sake? Don't just jam it in dry; lube me up a bit; make me wet. I turned it off after 30 minutes. It's only a shame time travel isn't real so I couldn't get that time back.
Saltburn (2023) - 5/10
It became very apparent very early on, to me at least, that the woman who wrote this probably loves writing raunchy Harry Potter fanfiction in which they are all fucking each other all the time. She's probably got particularly excited by one of her stories and thought, "You know what? There might be something in this!" So she's tweaked it ever so slightly to make it marginally more realistic, then decided to pitch it to Netflix, who have then swallowed her bullshit wholeheartedly. It's not a bad film, but I'm not gullible enough to enjoy it too much either. I'm sure plenty of virgin teenagers will, though, which, let's be honest, is Netflix's target audience. An incessant gripe of mine, too, is when a non-Scouse actor tries to do a Scouse accent, so that can fuck off an' all.
Sly (2023) - 6/10
When you're a lad born in the 70s or 80s, you just love Stallone. He was a hero with many faces - unfortunately all with that dodgy smile - when we were growing up. Most actors would kill to land a role like Rocky or Rambo. Stallone did both, amongst others. Rocky 4 was my Go To film when I was off school sick as a kid. I honestly believe I've watched it 100 times. It's still as good now as ever. This is a good little glimpse into his life then, his life now and the person he is. It won't blow you socks off but it's worth a watch.
The Killer (2023) - 6/10
I adore David Fincher and Fassbender, too, is exceptional viewing, so I was expecting a lot from this. Sadly, it wasn't as good as I was expecting.
Leave the World Behind (2023) - 6/10
Everyone of a certain vintage remembers the TV show Lost. It was brilliant. For a while, at least. If you've never seen it - surely fucking not, but let's pretend - it's about a bunch of people who end up on a desert island after a plane crash and all this mad shit starts happening. And the best bit of it is the anticipation about what's going to happen next and, importantly, why all this mad shit is happening. It's the why that keeps you interested. Why the black smoke? Why the polar bear? Why the button? And yet, they drag the why out. They get their monies worth out of the why and then they wring it for more value. Which, ultimately - like a Ugandan dollar - diminishes the value of the why eventually. Diminishes it to the point of valuelessness. We all lost interest in the why eventually because most of the mad shit was never explained. But why am I talking about Lost, you may ask? Because this is a feauture length version of Lost. Plenty of why and very few answers. We all need some why or what's the point? I enjoyed it, for the most part, and was very into the why, but the ending is a kidney blow as you're looking over your shoulder for the why.
Reptile (2023) - 5/10
Who doesn't love Benecia Del Toro? I'd probably watch anything he's in. He delivers the killer line in one of the greatest scenes in film history in Usual Suspects and he is also excepional in the tremendous Sicario. This though, isn't great. It's not bad; it's just average, hence me giving it a 5, because that would make sense on a rating out of 10, wouldn't it, you fucking window licker? Did you not listen at school or something? Anyhow, I wouldn't get too excited if I were you.
Federico Chiesa - Back on Track (2023) - 5/10
Did you know that the word chiesa is Italian for church? I heard that once as a kid on Channel 4's Football Italia and it has always stuck with me. Back then, James Richardson was talking about Enrico Chiesa, who is Federico's dad. I liked Enrico (he was part of that fantastic 90s Parma team) and I also like Federico. This is the story of how he came back from an ACL injury. I enjoy sports documentaries but this was a bit of a let down. It was informative, I suppose, in that it shows the sheer amount of work these fellas put in to recover from these sort of injuries. So good on him. But yeah, it won't have you off your seat.