This film sucks. You know how black holes absorb absolutely everything, even light? That nothing can escape, no matter what you hold onto you'll get sucked in anyway? Well this film sucked more than that.
This film isn't great, but oh my, Jessica Alba is just so incredibly fit in it. It hurts, because as you watch it, you just know that this is a girl in her prime, and that as the years go by this girl will not just age, she will grow colder as she gets worn down by life, relationships and ambition. She will cry, her heart will be broken, her innocence will be chipped away at, and little pieces of her will be lost, until one day, she will be but a shadow of her former self. So cherish this film, for that.
I enjoy watching this film nearly as much as I enjoy beating on my wife... I'm only kidding; she's not really my wife. Why the hell would I marry her? Bitch never does as she's told... Just kidding again; I don't beat on her. How could I? She's just a child... Oh I'm kidding again; she's not really a child, she just looks that way because of her special needs... OK OK, she doesn't have special needs... Seriously though, she is a bitch.
Watching this film all the way through is a bit like playing a video game with a ridiculously hard end boss. You're enjoying yourself for the most part, but then you reach the climax and the fucking bastard just won't die. So you slog away, ignoring your mum's calls to lunch and dinner. Finally you hit the right combination of buttons and he dies! Having not eaten or showered all day suddenly doesn't seem worth it. And all you've got to show for it is more lost childhood and a really sore thumb.
I think I'm in love with Megan Fox. Actually, you know what? I'm not, really. I just want to fuck her. Sure, maybe one day we could meet, fall in love, have a solid, comfortable connection. She'd be my rock; the mother of my kids; my better half. That would be love. Right now I just want to put my dick in it. There, I said it. And if you watch this film, so will you. Although, it is, as expected, a bit shit.
The best time travelling film I've seen. And believe me, I know about time travelling. Easily better than all other time travelling films, with only Ramborg 3, which is released in 2029, coming close to it.
Your mother sucks cock in hell? Well, fuck. That's just, I mean... Fuck.
This film is a feast of manlyness with all the right mangredients to fill you right up; guns, helicopter chases, explosions and ass-kicking. Women of the world, you better run yourselves a scented bath, and get yourselves some hot chocolate and the latest copy of Cosmo, because the men are watching The A-Team, and you simply don't have enough testosterone to deal with that sort of shit. Brilliantly cast and doing exactly what it says on the tin, it should keep you both entertained and amused, if nothing else.
Compared to ghosts, zombies and vampires, werewolves are like the ugly, abused cousin at the family party that the other kids don't want to play with because they fucking stink. They're just not as popular. Maybe back in the 80s when Thriller and Teenwolf were out they migh- No, wait, they were shit then, too. Personally I'd rather be a werewolf than any of the aforementioned overdone monsters, but what do I know. This film is alright, but when it finished I wasn't exactly hoping that I got attacked by one so I could spend eternity morphing into a double 'ard hairy werewolf motherfucker.