The world is fucked and Leo DiCaprio will not stand for it. He's going to make films and shit about dead corals and lack of fresh water and what-not and you have to pay attention because he's a model-fucking movie star. I mean, I like our planet and, you know, Leo is a dude, so I can get behind this. The problem is, you, like me and everyone else who watches this, will probably be sad about it for an hour or so and you'll decide that you're gonna do something about it, and then you'll pick up your phone and your attention will be pulled off the planet and you'll go on living your life exactly as you had.
This is a documentary about the death of Kitty Genovese and how ALL OF THESE PEOPLE heard her being killed in the street and ALL OF THESE PEOPLE just turned a blind eye to it. Stories claimed they turned up their TVs or turned over in bed because, you know, I ain't getting involved in this shit. Except, is that true? Did ALL OF THESE PEOPLE see it happen and do nothing? Did ALL OF THESE PEOPLE even hear a commotion? Or did some journalists just make stuff up? Well, it wouldn't be the first time.
Some little cunts break into this old blind guy's house looking for stuff to nick but it turns out they ain't happened upon no helpless weed. No, in fact, they happened upon some old, mean I-been-up-in-Iraq-and-shit-and-I-ain't-got-time-for-this bastard. And he don't take kindly to these baggy-pants-wearing, sideways-cap flaunting, ignorant, have-it-easy motherclucking chicken fuckers. You can probably guess the rest.
This about all on nerd warfare between nations all trying to nerd the shit out of each other with programming. It's like some proper cheesy Hollywood film, probably starring Jesse Eisenberg, except all of this is true. Given how we're all pretty much balls deep in Cyberspace nowadays - yeah, you included - this should interest everyone.
This is a documentary about the time California fell down. Can't believe it wasn't on the news. The place is fucking destroyed. I bet all them millionaire movie stars aren't laughing now with their homes in pieces around them.
The police is Mexico are either too shit, too corrupt or too terrified to do their jobs properly, so armed militia are doing it for them. Towns and villages that need protecting from the drug cartels are fighting back with armies of their own and it's all rather inconvenient for everyone involved. It's like the Wild fucking West with automatic machine guns.
Went in expecting this to be a monster movie or an alien movie or something but it ain't either. It's a crazy-guy-gone-done-kidnapped-me movie. Or is it? Not sure what's happened to Mary Elizabeth Winstead either. She used to be fucking fit; now she's just alright in the same way that every girl you ever fancied in school just became alright after having had a kid. In much the same way that this film is just alright, alright?
This is about some crazy lawyer motherfucker who was asked to go to Germany when it was moody as fuck to try to arrange a swap deal between political prisoners. It's a true story about a time America did something right, so of course they made a movie about it because AMERICAAAAH, FUCK YEAH!
Your mum would probably love this, which says everything you need to know about it.
This is based on a true story about that time Jennifer Lawrence blagged everyone into believing that she was a brilliant actress. I mean, she's alright like, but she ain't as good as most people make out. Mostly everyone just wants to have sex with her so she gets away with it. I, too, would probably have sex with her, if she asked politely and wasn't overly aggressive about it, but I don't let that cloud my judgement 'cause I'm a professional fucking criticiser. But yeah, give this a miss. It is shit.