This covers the true story of the attempted assassination of a high ranking member of the Nazi party during World War II. It was pretty watchable until the endless shootout near the end, at which point I gave up. Shootouts more than about 30 seconds generally test my patience and this did that to such a degree that I just turned it off and went to bed. War nerds may enjoy it more. American actors talking English with a foreign accent when, in reality, they'd be talking their native tongue, winds me up too.
What a horrible Nazi-war-criminal-looking Bond-Villian-wannabe twat this guy is. He jumped on the back of a Donald Trump and rode him all the way into the White House. And that may not even be the worst thing he's ever done. Trump, Stone, Manafort and Cohen - cunts, the lot of them.
Too slow paced for me and far too much drawling. Plus, I don't particularly enjoy films that are set before I was born, partly because I'm a selfish bastard and partly because my history teacher in school was very handsy, if you know what I mean. I just struggle to relate to a bunch of hicks crawling around on a muddy farm, being all melancholy in a world that doesn't even have the internet. Plus, the women all look like shit so there's not even any eye candy.
You either believe that Messi is the greatest footballer that's ever lived or you're wrong. I feel incredibly privileged to have been able to watch his whole career. This film splices old footage of a growing Messi (which is great) with reconstructed footage (which is not). It's told in a very bizarre - Argentinian, I assume - way though by getting anyone who knew him growing up into a restaurant and filming them all chatting about him. There is an excessive amount of reading involved trying to keep up with the subtitles and in the end it will do your fucking head in.
This is Hollywood's latest installment of AMERICAHHHH!!! FUCK YEAH!! This episode concentrates on the events surrounding the Boston Marathon bombings in 2013 and again shows how awesome the Real American Heroes are. To be fair, the events of the bombing were pretty fucking bonkers in real life so they make a decent film, although it's all very Mark Wahlberg, if you know what I mean. I do like how the footage of the bombers used is actual footage of the real bombers though.
Basically the wanker from Twilight puts on 13 hoodies and robs a bank with his mentally handicapped brother. I could see what they were trying to do but I just couldn't be arsed with it. In years gone by I wouldn't have turned it off but I have a kid nowadays so my time is fucking precious.
These Mission Impossible films are great fun despite - or maybe because of - how totally fucking outrageous they are. As usual, Ethan Hunt should die numerous times but doesn't, the unrealistically hard bastard. They definitely lose a bit of their impact when not watched at the cinema, especially so when you have to watch them on Channel 4, adverts and all, like I did. I obviously recorded it and fast-forwarded past the ads though because I'm not the sort of Grade A twat that watches live TV.
Growing up, for the longest time, I wanted to be a marine biologist. I thought it would be great swimming with dolphins in warm seas off the coast of somewhere like Florida or studying the hunting habits of Great White sharks. I thought I'd live just off the beach and spend all my free time fighting bikini-clad 10s off with a big stick. Then I did some research and discovered that I'd most probably spend my life studying seaweed in a shit hole like Sunderland or Bangor. Well, I thought, fuck that. Anyway, this documentary is all about how we've ruined the sea, along with the rest of the planet. Soon we'll have no coral, no fish, no beaches and no bikini-clad 10s. Humanity really is a virus on this planet and it's fucking disgusting what we're doing to it.
This is a dramatisation of the real-life events covered in Citizenfour
. It provides very good background and simplifies things well for the idiot majority. The difference between the two films is like the difference between shagging a real woman and shagging a sex doll. The sex doll may be better looking but they just don't have the genuine squeals of pain - nor do they omit the same odour - which, for me, are the things that really makes the experience truly worthwhile.
This is like an Italian version of The Departed. It's all about how if you live by the sword, you die by the sword. To the fucking face. It's fucking great if you're into motherfuckers killing each other, which I absolutely am.