This is about courage in the face of adversity. The sort of courage required to approach a girl, far out of your league, and to have the balls to ask her if you could buy her a drink. The courage to stand there and take the punishing rejection as she looks at you like something that she's just trodden in, shocked that you had the audacity to even speak to her. The sort of courage required to walk back to your mates and to laugh it off, despite your soul having just been crushed... Or the sort of courage to survive, as a Jew, living in Warsaw during WWII.
So this was billed as the female version of The Hangover, and any of you with girlfriends will realise that female hangovers are a fucking pain in your arse. Just because she can't handle her drink, doesn't mean you should spend all of Sunday listening to her whinge. And she "didn't even drink that much"? Sure she didn't. Well fuck her and her slaggy, vodka guzzling friends. No I fucking won't go to McDonalds for you, and no, you greedy pig, there's no fucking chocolate in the house. Now can you please be quiet? I'm trying to watch the F1.
The fuss that was made over this film was the biggest over-reaction since the Y2K Bug. Only in a world where you can drive a pick up truck into a train head on and survive, might you believe that kids can save the world from aliens. By the end of this I couldn't wait for the army to come in blow them all to shit. The kids, I mean, not the aliens. Because they annoyed the fuck out of me.
So the traditional newspaper industry is dying, beaten to within an inch of it's pathetic life by Social Media. I truly couldn't give any less of a fuck. Newspapers have had their day and it's time for them to piss off. If the power of Social Media and the Internet means I can watch a YouTube video on my laptop of two monkeys 69'ing from a zoo in Indonesia that was uploaded 2 minutes ago, which was emailed to be by a friend of mine whilst I have a dump and listen to illegally downloaded music, then I'm all for it.
Tom Cruise has been associated with the action genre longer than Hoover have been associated with vacuum cleaners, so he's getting pretty good at jumping through windows and shit. If he wants to tackle a true mission impossible, though, for the inevitable next chapter in the series, he should try convincing my wife that she'd enjoy anal. I've tried everything, from spoiling her with flowers and chocolates to threats of physical violence, and it's just not happening. What a fucking bitch.
I should have probably gave this a lower rating, but I live in constant hope that one day, someone will really trespass into Nicolas Cage's home and warn him to stop making such shite films by threatening his family with disgusting scenes of sexual torture, so I possibly enjoyed it slightly more than it deserves. I know you're broke, Cage, but fucking hell, man; where is your self-twatting-respect?
Fuck these beautiful people with their fairy tale romances full of quirky humour, a catchy, upbeat pop soundtrack and happy-ever-after. Normal people have to make do with someone they can put up with for 40 years who doesn't mind your farting in bed or how you leave fucking hair every-fucking-where. But they don't mention this shit in Hollywood, do they? Fucking Hollywood. Mila Kunis though... God damn! I would be all sorts of polite to her. Really lay that charm the fuck down.
These superhero films are getting out of hand. You even have people going to the cinema now dressed as their favourite comic book character and role-playing the entire time. I don't get it. The only role-playing I've ever done is in the bedroom with my ex-girlfriend. She would dress up as a naughty school girl and pretend that I was her teacher, and I'd pretend that I loved her.
Did you ever play Age of Empires using the E=MC2 cheat? You had to take on these losers with their spears and knives and shit, and you had a fucking lazer gun. It was fucking awesome. The game I mean, not the film. The film was quite good though, too. I was expecting it to be a load of shit.
The only thing more likely than religion to drive a man to do something crazy is a woman. And this film is about both. And it results in a guy deciding to pick a fight with the pavement from the top floor of a tall building. Some other bloke then has to try to talk him down. After a fairly lengthly chat they decide, fuck women, and they live happily ever after. Oh no, sorry, my bad. They don't.
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